Dark Calamity Turtle Edition
by Creators of Calamity
Summary: Dark Calamity Vanilla's newer, revised sibling. Now with 23% more Synlena!


It's been exactly one year since the release of Dark Calamity Vanilla, the original DC. This DC is revamped, some plot changes have been added, and we didn't hesitate to throw Syndrome into the mix this time, as he's featured this chapter.

From the creators of Dark Calamity, enjoy: Dark Calamity Turtle.

* * *

Rylan Cook pulled a dusty tome off of his old shelf and sneezed. The sinister man hadn't been in his house for three years due to his imprisonment, and-

He screamed, akin to a seven-year-old girl, and dropped his book momentarily before picking it up again and smashing the spider before him.

"They're everywhere," he whispered to himself.

"Got that right," a voice muttered from the staircase. "Right above your head, too."

Rylan looked up and screamed again, then found no spider... or even cobwebs for that matter. "Alright, who's there?" he asked, attempting to keep his cool even though he was surrounded by his archnemeses.

_What does it matter?_ A voice echoed through the room, but the origin revealed herself soon enough. There stood Selena, staring across the room at the man. "Fuck," she cursed her stupidity, "I shouldn't have come in so... plainly! Now you're going to control me or something..."

"I probably should, but I don't think I will, not this time. What are you here for?"

"A plan," she shrugged. "You ever read Inkheart?"

"I never got around to it, no. What's it about?"

"Eh, this random-ass hero chick and her family can read characters out of books," Selena grinned. Tossing a wooden chair over to Rylan and finding a seat herself, she looked around at the room. "This place hasn't changed much, besides the little crawly guys."

The chair flew straight into Rylan, knocking him over. "Hey! Be careful! I'm probably more fragile than the chair right now..." He grumbled and stood back up, then sat on the chair.

Selena snorted. "You were always more fragile than old chairs, Rylan."

"And you were always more of a bitch than a female dog, as I recall," Rylan spat. "Either that or you were whining like one."

"At least _I_ wasn't the one who was stupid enough to summon a female lust demon when they're gay," Selena retorted. "That's like getting a prostitute so you could just hug her."

"For your information, I'm not gay, Selena," Rylan retorted, then muttered under his breath, "completely..." He paused for a moment before continuing. "Besides. She wasn't there for my sexual pleasure. She was there because I needed powerful lackeys."

"Or should you say slackeys? After all, look at Simone... But I'm getting off subject." Selena readjusted in her seat.

"So. What's this plan you were talking about, and why are you here? Are you intending for me to be in on it? Or are you just here to taunt?"

"Gloating's fun," Selena replied. "But... Maybe you could be of use… Grunt work would suit you well."

Rylan's nose wrinkled in disgust. "Got anything else? Because if you don't come up with something better than that, I'll have to change your mind about this plan of yours..."

Selena let out a creepy giggle. "As much as I'd like to see you wriggle in pain, I'd rather not be controlled, thanks. Besides..." The teen looked him straight in the eyes. "Your powers will be appreciated... If you don't get a mind of your own."

"If I did, you'd just turn me in again," Rylan replied nonchalantly. "And I could do without prison again."

"Figures... You WOULD figure it out. Anyway. My plan." She stood up and started searching through her black longcoat.

"What are you looking for? Surely your whole plan's basis can't fit in your coat," Rylan scoffed.

"Bill Sikes could hide shitloads of loot in his coat. _I_ can hide Bill Sikes in mine," she grinned. "Oh, you're going to hate this." Selena finally pulled out a small book from her coat.

"First of all, that was a lame metaphor for having _Oliver Twist_ in your coat." Rylan snorted. "And second, why would I hate you taking out a book?"

Selena silenced the man and began to read.

"'The man who growled out these words, was a stoutly-built fellow of about five-and-thirty, in a black velveteen coat, very soiled drab breeches, lace-up half boots, and grey cotton stockings which enclosed a bulky pair of legs, with large swelling calves;--the kind of legs, which in such costume, always look in an unfinished and incomplete state without a set of fetters to garnish them.

"'He had a brown hat on his head, and a dirty belcher handkerchief round his neck: with the long frayed ends of which he smeared the beer from his face as he spoke. He disclosed, when he had done so, a broad heavy countenance with a beard of three days' growth, and two scowling eyes; one of which displayed various parti-coloured symptoms of having been recently damaged by a blow.'"

Rylan's mouth hung open. "How... wait. You developed a new power, didn't you?"

Selena didn't need to respond, for the answer was standing right in front of them both. Bill Sikes... Confused as hell AND in the flesh.

"Wow... just- wow. That's amazing. And useful." Rylan smirked. "Although I don't see what good a thief from the 1800s is going to do us."

"Oh, come on, that's not the point! Think of the armies we could start with a bunch of villains like Sikes!" The storybook character recognized his name and turned to face Selena. "NANCY?"

Rylan snickered. "He thinks you're his girlfriend. Now what?"

"Prostitute," Selena corrected. "But girlfriend sounds good to me..." She ran up to Sikes and gave him a big hug. "Apparently not!" Sikes growled and then grabbed Selena's throat. "Who the hell are you, and why is this place so goddamned bright?!"

"I'm guessing that would be because of the lightbulbs," Rylan replied, his eyes glowing a bright green.

"Lightbulbs?" Sikes asked, but then he saw Rylan's bright green eyes and went silent, dropping Selena with a thud. "Gee, thanks..."

"I think I deserve more thanks than that. I just saved your life, you ungrateful little bitch," Rylan growled, his eyes unintentionally glowing even brighter.

"I was talking about his less than graceful way of letting me go, you easily offended control freak! Whatever happened to keeping cool?"

"Now what do I do?" Rylan asked, still frowning. "I can't control him forever, even though he's not too hard..."

"That's a shame. Wonder how Nancy felt about that." Selena giggled.

Rylan's serious expression vanished as he too snickered. "Not like that..." His eyes turned dark again- he'd apparently lost control of his control to some degree.

"Well, I figured you of all people would know, Mr. Not Completely Gay."

Rylan turned to Selena, his eyes green again. "Shut up."

Selena did as she was told, but then another voice rumbled through the house. "Hey YOU! Green-eyes! Where the bloody hell am I?!"

"Ravensburg," Rylan replied calmly. "Population two thousand, four hundred sixty seven according to the latest census data. A suburb of Lotus City, the capital of Eire."

" 'ow the hell did I get 'ere?!"

"Her," Rylan said, pointing at Selena.

"A bloody witch, eh?! GET HER TO TAKE ME BACK!" Sikes roared, spit flying from his mouth. "I was just about to murder Nancy too! DAMMIT!"

Rylan released Selena from his power. "He wants you to take him back."

Selena looked completely and utterly hurt. "But- No! NO! You're better off here, Sikes, you -"

"DON'T YOU GO ABOUT SAYIN' MY NAME WITHOUT FEAR, YOU IDIOTIC WITCH!"

Selena's gaze fell to the floor. _How does he know I'm an idiot?_

_Well, I believe you'll recall someone thought they could take his name in vain. "Shame 'e was so green... never was 'e seen again." That could be a hint._

Selena's eyes widened. "Sorry-sorry Sikes- but you're better off here, if you had gotten to kill Nancy, you would've been dead before you even got here..." She bit her lip.

Rylan's eyes turned green a third time as he turned back to Sikes. "We need you to keep calm for the time being."

Sikes just nodded.

Selena soon shook off the pain and looked up again. "So, uh, there's a problem."

"And what's that?"

"Well, uh..." Selena shifted uncomfortably. "I don't really have a full-out plan..."

Rylan frowned. "So what are we supposed to do? Sit around until you come up with something?"

Selena gave a grim smile. "Uh yeah, basically."

"Shouldn't we get someone else or something? Someone who can help you come up with a plan, since mine are obviously flawed." Rylan paused. "Do you even have any idea what you're trying to do?"

"Uh..." Selena shook her head. "Not really, no, just... kill a whole bunch of people. Happy ending for the villains for once. That sort of thing."

"Mm. Killing a whole bunch of people? I know a fictional character who can do that- though regrettably, he's from a movie."

Selena looked away. "I can't do movies."

"How about fanfictions about the movie?"

"Well, uh... it depends... I mean, the character will be read out all the same, but whether or not he's anything like the man from the movie you're talking about is another matter."

"So... I'd have to find a fanfiction that accurately portrays how he was in the movie... I've got an idea of where to go already."

Selena looked at Rylan seriously. "Well then, get to it! Time's wasting, I only have so long to live before I become useless..." _Like you,_ she added in her thoughts.

Rylan scowled mentally and headed for his computer.

Selena turned to face Sikes. He had come across a small flashlight among the junk still in Rylan's house, and he was fascinated. _Who wouldn't be if you came from the 19th century?_ She thought, going to the computer.

"Got one," Rylan said simply. "From Awkward Times, Interesting Times. Very nice portrayal of his character, and no pesky romance to deal with." He handed her the single sheet of paper.

"Right then," Selena muttered looking at the sheet. A sudden chill ran through her spine as she began to read again...

"Buddy managed to calm himself, closing his eyes and focusing his on his breathing, slowly clenching and unclenching his fists until he could feel the tension draining away... well, at least in his left hand, his right hand and arm were cybernetic prosthetics and were rather crude compared to what he would design. Then again, he WAS a prisoner here and they made damn sure, until recently, that he limited access to technology. When Lansing arrived and authorized Pine to have more "privileges", the warden and prison guards were worried that Buddy would modify his cybernetic arm, convert it into a weapon, and use it to break out of prison.

_As if I were that predictable._

Buddy felt insulted by that. Oh sure, when Lansing approached him with that deal and gave him the lap-top, he was plotting an escape, but he would do nothing so crude and pathetic as trying to turn his cybernetic arm into a plasma cannon and shoot his way out of the facility. Neptune was too secured and he would be out-gunned by the guards. No... he would never consider something like that, especially if it was basically suicide.

_Besides, when I get out of here, it's going to be felt."_

The redhead stared down at Selena, blinking rapidly. "...What just happened? Am I dreaming?" He looked around. "Where am I? Who are you?"

"Damn, onion head much?!" Selena shrieked as she looked up at the man's flaming red hair. "The question is, who are you?!" She turned to Rylan for an explanation. "What movie is _this_ guy from?"

"The Incredibles," Rylan said. "He's the main antagonist."

"How come I never got to see it?!" Selena whined. "You never showed me movies, we were "too busy," as you said... and yet you've seen it!"

Rylan shook his head. "No. One of the others had and talked about it. I've never seen it before either."

"Uh. What? I was in a movie? When?! And no one answered my question about where I was and who any of you were..."

"Where when was and who I were? WHAT?!" Selena said, lost.

"Exactly!" the man replied. "When was I in a movie, where am I, and who are all of you people?! SOMEBODY ANSWER ME NOW!" he yelled.

"Sheesh. Don't need to blow up the whole house! Dunno when you were in a movie, you're in Ravensburg, suburb of Lotus City in Eire, and I'm Selena, that's Rylan, and the guy with the flashlight's Bill Sikes. Now that we all know each other, please have a nice cup of shut the FUCK UP!" Selena rubbed her forehead. "Too much noise!"

"Why am I here?" he asked in a much quieter voice.

"Hey, thanks. You're here because I read you here... you know, the old trip. Kill a bunch of people, amass an army of villains, and for once we win, that sort of thing," Selena replied, and then suddenly she yelled again. "OH SHIT! GOD DAMN IT-augh!" Both hands went flying up to her ears. "SOMEBODY HERE HAS TOO MANY THOUGHTS!"

The redhead turned the same shade as his hair. "Sorry."

"I- I gotta- auggggh-" Selena staggered to the couch. "Anyone got a blanket and a set of headphones?! No? Damn it..."

_Of course. You see a good-looking girl and already you've pissed her off just by thinking too much. Nice going, Syndrome._

"Stop talking to yourself, especially when I'm still in listening distance, guy," Selena groaned, facing away from Syndrome.

"I didn't say anything," he replied.

"Oh-" Selena winced. The noise was getting louder and louder, and covering her ears didn't help one bit. "It's like I'm stuck in a crowded room and everyone's trying to talk over each other!"

"Um." Syndrome sat down and tried to calm himself down and push most of his questions out of his mind.

Selena blinked. The noise had almost stopped. "... Uh, thanks."

Syndrome turned slightly pink. "It's nothing, really. Just setting aside my curiosity for a little bit." The redhead stopped for a moment as something clicked in his mind. "Wait. You're a Super." He frowned. "I don't know why I didn't notice before."

_Probably because you think she's hot, dumbass. That kind of thing tends to distract you from the important things, like the fact that she's one of the type of people you killed in massive amounts._

"Witch, Super, Elemental, whatever the fuck it is," Selena rolled her eyes. "Guess it's time for me to go, so I don't get brutally murdered. Rylan, keep an eye on this guy. Instead of helping form the plan, he might destroy us instead."

"Wait- where are you going? You're leaving?" _Go figure. You drove her away. Once again, you're a loser. A stupid, homicidal, useless loser._

"Why the hell should it matter to you? You hate 'Supers,' after all," Selena snapped. She looked over at Rylan. "That room still got all my stuff in it?"

Syndrome frowned. _See? What did I tell you? You're a loser. Leave the girl alone._

"Unless someone looted the house, it should. I wouldn't know, I haven't been here." Rylan shrugged.

"Point. Well then, g'night. And you-" she turned to Syndrome with a scowl on her face, "-better not murder me in my sleep."

_She doesn't get it._ Syndrome laughed mentally. _She doesn't understand at all. She even knows what you're thinking and she still hasn't put it together._

"SHUT UP!" Selena screamed at the onion-head as she ran down the hallway to her room and slammed the door behind her. Everything was the same... even her little teddy bear was still lying on her bed. It had once seemed so... big. Now, not so much.

Rylan raised an eyebrow to Selena's sudden frustration, then turned his attention back to the inventor, who had started to bang his head against the wall.

"What are you doing?"

"Trying to get the voices to shut up."

A shriek of pain came from down the hallway, dulled by two doors and a wall. "FUCK!"

_See? You're causing her pain. That's all you ever do!_ one voice screamed above the cacophony of insults.

"Where am I supposed to stay?" Syndrome asked as he stood. "Assuming you even want me to."

"There's a spare room right there." Rylan pointed down the hall. "Obviously not the one Selena just ran into."

Sikes looked up from his flashlight. "Wot about me, eh?"

"You can have one of the empty rooms downstairs."

Sikes just nodded and looked back down at the flashlight. He was clicking it off and on to a strange rhythm, ending with 'Shave and a Haircut.'

Rylan smirked. "I like the rhythm you've got there. It's a good basis, keep building on it."

Sikes cocked his head at Rylan. "Wot d'you mean by that remark?"

"Every good villain's got to have a song, right? If you don't, you'll be like big-head over there." Rylan pointed at Syndrome. "My suggestion is take what you've got and start writing a song about it."

Syndrome's frown deepened at the insult. "I'm going to bed." And with that, he left to sulk.


End file.
